Weight Loss- Every Woman’s Struggle

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Weight loss – Every Woman’s Struggle

I want to lose weight

-The weight of other people’s expectations
-The weight of unrequited love
-The weight of my own fears
-The weight of my shortcomings
– Of unspoken feelings
– Of pleasing
– Of unwanted relations
– Unasked for financial burdens
– Living on the edge
– Knowing what to say and what to wear
– Of societal norms

Losing it all would free off so much of my space and mind and I would be so many stones lighter. Shattering the glass ceiling and flying higher.
I ask to live life on my own terms.
Within me I have the survival instinct firm.
Don’t bind her, give her wings and set her free. She shall take you to unimaginable heights and uplift the whole generation and spread her roots of enlightenment like a tree.
She is the base, she is the pillar so don’t weigh her down with your unrealistic trials and inhibitions.
Let her lose all this unwanted weight and see how she embarks on a journey that will lead to the entire races progress and succession.

Freedom

Freedom

We are born free
No bondage, No conditions apply
Then why do all these rules society man-made apply?

Free to live, Free to fly
Then why so many restrictions imposed till we die?

Practise your own will freely
But do we even have the right to breathe, really?

From dust we come and to dust we go
Then why so many biases upheld on colour, creed, race, gender and many more things that all should actually let go!

Let there be no division whether physical or mental. Let no force apply differentials.

Love, Live and let live
Be kind and good vibes give

We are free to take flight
Freedom our very own birth right.

– By Pooja Guha Bansode

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The Sibling Connection

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The Sibling Connection

As children me and my brother would fight a lot. Though my brother was almost 6 years younger.

He had a fiery temper and I was very bossy, it was absolute fire and ice. Present day it’s simmered down.

Once he managed to even poke my eye with a compass in a regular physical fight just missed my eyeball and that day was the first and last time my father bashed him. Still remember the full outline of my father’s palm on his face. It took a few days to go.

Slowly we overcame our immaturish ways and became buddies. Helping him through financially, for pocket change. Then advising him on career and future studies.

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After my marriage the tables turned and my brother suddenly just grew up. He took full responsibility to care for my ailing father and boy what a brilliant job he does till date.

Only the ones who go through a struggle know how it feels. An outsider whether your own blood, friend, relative will never ever be able to understand how you live your life.

Whatever happened, my little brother now a big man, stood rock solid. Now he is the one who asks if I need anything and makes sure that on our holidays at mom’s we are completely spoilt, both me and my toddler. He gives amazing financial and life changing advice.

Over the years that little baby brother of mine has become an anchor to me and my mom and an amazing buddy and uncle to my toddler. Of course a great brother in law too.

Never interfering but always ready to help. The same impatient boy now a level headed man.

Rakshabandhan use to be a big family affair but now as all cousins live cross country it’s Skype and Rakhi through courier. In fact this was the first time we celebrated Rakhi together after years. My toddlers proper first Rakhi with her cousins.

This Rakshabandhan let’s express that love and lets forget all differences and complaints and renew and tie the bond of love with our siblings however mad or crazy or serious or far or near they might be. Sisters and brothers are for life don’t let anything or anyone come in between that bond.

Happy Rakshabandhan to All celebrating the bond tied by love and felt deeply in the heart.

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Say No- Assertiveness

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Say No – Being Assertive

“No”, sometimes saying this small but very powerful word becomes so complicated. Looks like a simple thing but this one word and it’s power can change your whole world.

The Indian social psyche is such that we are conditioned to listen and be obedient from the day we are born. Not to think logically but to just say “Yes”.
Why? So that we do not displease the parents, the elders, the spouse, the in laws, the boss, the child, the peers, the so called friends and the list is endless . It’s no longer an expectation but a pre- requisite for avoiding any kind of turmoil in the smooth and eventless ocean called life.

There are many examples-
Your boss knows you are going on leave the next day but decides to overload you with work the very last minute.
You are in the middle of a very important cooking or housework task and your child throws a tantrum demanding a certain toy or junk food to be bought
Your parents presurrising you to marry a girl or boy who you do not share any mental connect with
A colleague or a neighbour keeps asking for favours but is unavailable when you need assistance
Your in laws want you to visit a relative whom you cannot see eye to eye and everyone including that relative is aware
Your spouse calls guests suddenly and you are not prepared
Your colleague or senior ditches you and calls in sick on the day of a career changing presentation

How many times have you not given in to any of the above situations?

9 out of 10 times the answer is yes you have not been able to voice your opinion and have had to say a yes instead of a no.

Here comes in the assertiveness. Assertiveness is voicing your opinion while not hurting the feelings of others but in certain situations it might not be in agreement with the other party so feelings will still be hurt but compromising on life changing and highly impactful decisions is not an option you should be taking because being passive makes one resentful and half baked dreams will lead to frustration and even depression.

Again assertiveness should not be confused with aggressiveness. It’s knowing what one wants and expressing it very clearly and providing the reasoning for it. Many a times assertiveness can amicably help resolve a situation. Being taken for granted can lead to low self-esteem and affect relations and professional performance.
Being able to hold your own gains you respect and sets boundaries.
Children don’t always like to be kissed and hugged by elders so they are allowed to say no you can always ask the guests to refrain and encourage the kids to be vocal about it. This will boost their confidence and help them formulate their opinions about things. They can express fearlessly and also help you help them in shaping and forming a strong foundation for their future and their personality.
Being Nice is not always a boon you need to draw a line between greedy and needy. You need to ascertain the genuineness of the situation or person wanting the help.
If someone comes in late everyday just because he is friends with all the colleagues and a very popular person in office does not excuse them from the fact that they can do it forever and others get reprimanded for the very same reason. You should discuss it with your subordinate and that the rules are set very clearly and equally for all. Setting expectations along with boundaries is a way of expressing assertiveness.
Telling the boss very politely that you need to catch an early flight for your sanctioned leave the next morning so they could hand over some of the work to another capable colleague or subordinate is excercising your assertiveness
A child who is very short and is teased near the school locker by some peers and he retorts back by saying that being short has many advantages that tall people would not know it and then walking away is a way of exercising assertiveness.
Telling your spouse to order take out as you are dead tired after office and housework for yourselves or for some random unplanned guests is being assertive.
Saying no to marry as you are not ready is excercising your independent adult choice and showing assertiveness.
If someone is pushy about asking you to do something especially a close relative or a close friend you repeatedly express your assertiveness by asking them to do it themselves, repeating the same response will 99 out of the 100 times send your signals of disapproval to the person.
Children saying no to an adult for a hug or sitting close to them is their way of being assertive. They choose whom they are comfortable with.
Being assertive will help you see things in the right perspective, let others see your true self and will automatically project your set boundaries and dislikes and your opinions and lifestyle choices to the others around you and that will set the expectations right.
Being quite is not always right. You need to speak up, be assertive and do what gives you peace. Sitting on the fence is not going to work, escapism is not a healthy choice. Be assertive. Know when to hold your silence and when to speak up. Don’t keep waiting, the right moment will never come. You either stand up for yourself or fall under and get used to being dictated in all situations.
Assertiveness helps you understand yourself and helps others understand you and to remove any doubts and false expectations. Build respect of opinion and healthy relations professionally and personally.

Be assertive and be at peace.

“Being assertive does not mean attacking or ignoring others feelings. It means that you are willing to hold up for yourself fairly-without attacking
others.”- Albert Ellis.

(Albert Ellis was a famous American psychologist who in 1955 developed rational emotive behavior therapy and author of many books dealing with behavioural subjects one of them being assertiveness.)

Ray Of Hope

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Ray of Hope

In a small town there lived a girl named Natalie with her mother. Her father had died when she was young. Her mother worked part time at a supermarket and the remaining time she took tuitions for kids to make ends meet.
They had a very mundane yet happy existence. They had little in their pockets but a lot of love in their hearts. Daily in the Evening they would feed stray dogs irrespective of whether they had enough on their plates to fill their stomachs. They would provide whatever food or warm clothes to any homeless found nearby even if that meant being out in the bitter cold themselves.
One day on her way back from school Natalie found a small puppy it looked injured and abandoned. So Natalie decided to take him home and nurse him back to health.
When she showed her mother, her mother was delighted, they didn’t have much money but they welcomed the dog with open arms. They fed and took care of him and as he was a bright fellow and their source of joy they named him Ray.
Ray would stay around the house and wait for both the girls to come home. He would become restless sometimes. So Natalie’s mother decided to take him along to work as the supermarket owner had a pet herself and had a shed behind so Ray could stay and eat there till she worked.
However Ray would run out of the shed and end up coming to the supermarket door and whichever customers came he would greet them with his warm sniffing wet nose and wag his tail. Ray was so good that people started coming to the supermarket or getting off from the car to just pet him and end up buying something or the other, sometimes just biscuits for him.
The supermarket owner was very impressed as sales were picking up so she gifted Ray a lovely dog collar with his name on it. She also gave a raise to Natalie’s mother and made her a supervisor. With this their life became better day by day. They collected enough money to move to a bigger house and bought a second hand car, they lived happily ever after.
Small selfless acts of kindness towards other humans or animals brings not only pleasure to the others but it creates a feeling of satisfaction and happiness feeling within you. It can change your life and luck like how it changed for Natalie and her mother. You all can find your Ray of hope floating somewhere within you or outside in your surroundings. Every day is a new beginning, a new chance to build your path to your own success. All your hard work pays off one  day.  Be kind, work hard. Just do some random acts of kindness, you never know whom you inspire.

Hold on, don’t let go
In this room filled with darkness
There’s a small crack in that door
That small Ray of light that’s breaking out
That Silver lining on the cloud
With all the struggles you shall cope
Cause that’s your Ray of Hope
– Pooja Guha Bansode

So wishing all my lovely readers bright rays of hope and sunny bright smiles.

Time is Money- Quality Over Quantity!

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Time Is Money-Quality Over Quantity!

In a far about town there was a little girl who was named Briana by her parents which was a combination of parts of both their own names- Brian and Adriana.
She was the Apple of their eye. The working parents gave into all her demands. They even overlooked the Nanny’s complaints as they were blinded in love of their kid. She was treated like royalty.
Then came the time for her to join pre school or nursery as many of us now are familiar with and they chose the best and the most expensive one of course. This is when it all started.
Everyday atleast one note would come from the teacher that Briana would not share the toys or listen. She would hit other kids or harm herself. She would throw things around and always throw a tantrum if not attended to for the silliest of reasons.
The teaching staff and the carers adopted various ways to work around Briana but it was a one sided affair. The parents thought getting Briana everything she put her finger on and spending filthy amount of money on the most elite pre school was all that was required to wash their hands off the matter.
So the teacher Ms. Donahue spoke to her supervisor who deviced a plan so that they could get the parents of Briana to start taking more responsibility for her behavioural advancement.
They called her parents for a private meet and explained the improvement plan they would follow for her and they would call them for all the smallest of details . It did take a little more effort on the educators side but they managed to pull it off and got the parents attention in the right direction.
Brian and Adriana did realise that their daughter would speak less as she was handed over everything readily without even asking for it . She was not a brat but a result of the circumstances that provoked a kind of high handedness in her attitude and lack of willpower to do anything. But as her teacher Ms. Donahue rightly spotted the red herring and immediately took it upon herself to nip it in the bud.

Brian and Adriana started spending more time and talking more with Briana. They planned more family outdoor activities rather than just plan playdates or parties outside with Maids around. They started adjusting their work life to be around her. Briana now was a very Happy go lucky and talkative kid. She would share and listen and comprehend instructions.
A child’s personality is like soft clay it can be best moulded in the younger years so as to set the strong foundations for the future behavioural and social patterns of the child. Time well spent is money earned. No amount of toys or materialistic things can replace your love, attention, hug , your gaze, in short-Your time with the kid.
Time well spent is money earned so you spend quality time with kids and earn your future of trust and confidence invested by the child in you. You will be their first go to person and you need to invest time to build that rapport.
Thanks to many educators,child psychologists, student counsellors etc who take time and effort to shape the future of these kids and help new parents to cope up with their vast expertise and knowledge.

However busy your schedule take out some time for the child after all they will never be this little forever.
How do you spend quality Time with kids in the small time window we working parents have you Ask?
Play with them,Go for outdoor activities. Have days with themes. Have movie and story times, Make belief games, Draw, Cuddle, less screen time and more face to face talk time, join any common hobby or sport class together on weekends, goof around with them. Get dirty in the garden or beach with them. Let them teach you some things like what they learn At School, share your small details in simple terms with them, Listen to them and whatsoever they are saying and enjoy and acknowledge their time and presence around you and see how the tables turn. What a great kid it shall be!
So how do you plan to set aside time for your kid?

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The Vibes

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The Vibes

It’s all about the image, they say.
What kind of image does one have or project? Things are accepted on face value, literally. Is your expression always very serious and uptight then you are projecting a very serious and no nonsense image. If you are always laughing and joking then you come across very casual. But is that so? Can your image be positive or negative? Yes it can, that’s the vibes that you send out or signals or signs that you show.

Many of us might have entered a room of people maybe at a party or just a meeting or a metro train ride and might have found that without even knowing a few certain people we tend to smile and feel warmth towards them and with some other people we just don’t feel comfortable. I’m sure a lot of you will agree that this is the positive or negative vibes you feel being around that person. Most of the times our gut feeling is right, very few times it might be otherwise. So the image and vibes that you give out come back to you in the form of people’s reactions and their behavior towards you.

I firmly believe what goes around, comes around. So why not start the day with a good thought to let us imbibe some positive vibes and uplift ourselves and in turn it will show in our image. Read a nice book or an article. Draw or doodle something. Let’s just loosen up a little bit. Every minute you are angry or grumpy or sad you lose 60 seconds of happiness. Caught you on that didn’t I. Of course 60 seconds is equal to a minute right 😀.

So whatever your schedule is in the day try taking out some “me time”. Meet some friends or go on a walk. Very simple things in our daily routine. It will help in changing your view which in turn will help in changing your image of you. Of course induce a positivity in you which in turn will send positive vibes.

What you give out , is what you will get in return. You give out love, you get back love manifolds but if you give out hate, you will  attract hate.

Think about it.

Your Vibe attracts your Tribe.

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Travelogue

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Travelogue

Our recent vacation to Mahableshwar a sleepy little hill station in Mumbai, India was the most awesome and fun filled experience and a first for our 5 year old in our home country.

The surroundings were a complete therapy for the eyes and the soul. The lush green hilly mountains, the rain clouds kissing the hill tops and the wet washed greenery all around was a complete contrast to the heat and humidity that troubles us in summer.
Seeing the birds and the bees and beautiful flowers was a sight to behold.

The thrill of lying around without switching on any electronic or digital device and just enjoying the natural cool air conditioning of mother nature and the scenic beauty that no camera or screen can completely justify, is a different worldly experience all together.
This doubled with the company of a steady group of friends since college now with wives and kids was sheer pleasure. A big gang of friends and an equally big gang of mini us making so many memories down the life lane to cherish.
Looking forward to cover many more such beautiful destinations and capturing the varied people and places in the frame of my mind and collecting a treasure trove rich beyond my dreams.

Happy travels and holidays to all my readers. Explore and experience new places within or outside your country. Short but best trips and collect a box full of fun and joy that’s what makes life worth living and enriches the soul.

So when are you planning your next trip?

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Change

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Change

The winds of change are coming by
There are things that are now past their expiry date
They need to meet their fate
So let them go and be gone, fade and naturally die
Holding on is pointless
Letting go is the best option
Sometimes you need to be ruthless
It takes you out of your comfort range
But it helps you gain some great skills and experiences
Unknowingly changing and steering you towards success
These winds of change will slowly transform the obstacles into opportunity
Will give your mind the required clarity
You will see light where you plunged into darkness
You will in sadness now the fruits of happiness harness
Change will help envision a bright future
Where once you only saw gloom
Now change will bring about the spring in life where everywhere flowers of peace, euphoria and opportunities bloom
Change is here to stay, going forward it’s the only way

Pause.

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Pause

When you feel the urge to shout and vent
Pause and think is it worth wasting your time and energy on inconsequential matters

When you want to just give up
Pause and remember what you aimed for

When you feel lonely and depressed
Pause and replay the things that you look forward to and the good things that have happened till now

When you want to pass a comment
Pause and put yourself in the other person shoes, you cannot judge someone else’s story without actually living it

When you feel hate
Pause and remember that hate only gets hate, love can melt mountains

Just inhale love and exhale Gratitude. Practice the Pause. Surrond yourself with the light of knowledge that you are the one who is in control

Whatever it is just pause and take a moment and it will all fall in place and the mind will be clearer about what is to be done.

Go ahead and try it out and enjoy the wonders of Practising the Pause!!!

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